Day 66

Alas, Gentle Reader, this will be the last of my posts for a month, as I am off today on a wild creative adventure in New Zealand (read details of this on my other blog). My partner and I have had our ups and downs over the past 65 days (only 300 to go!) in terms of well-mannered sheet-sharing. My fear, however, is that while I am away, he will lose what little control he has developed over his thievery. Without me here to actively stake my claim to half (or 1/3?) of the bed and its dressings, I worry that I will return to his complete regression, resulting in my edge-clinging until I can tame him again.

Some have suggested that I set up a web cam to take photos every morning in my absence after he leaves for work. Though he actually dared me to do it, I can't quite bring myself to *that* level of invading his privacy. Plus, I REALLY don't want to know what goes on in the house when I'm not here!

Day 64

This morning when I awoke, my partner said, "Be sure to get a photo of THIS one!" He's absolutely right. Last night, the victim became the offender. I guess I had just finally had enough! I tried to use one of his "I just wanted to be close to you and cuddle" excuses, but he wasn't buying it. I know I should feel remorse, but oh, I slept so well last night! Nice to see what it's like on the other side.

Day 57

Remember yesterday, when hope was springing eternal? Well, the spring is dry today. Last night was a rough one. I had to wake my partner twice to beg for some covers, and still woke completely exposed this morning. In my sleepy, cold-medicine-induced delirium I also coined a new term for the duvet - "clanket" (cross between "covers" and "blanket"). Oi, give me strength!

Day 56

A sunny morning in an Oregon winter - maybe miracles can happen. Though this image doesn't show much hope for change, hope springs eternal!

Day 53

Last night was a doozie. Not only did he steal the covers, he also chose to sleep in the center of the bed, leaving me clinging to the edge of the mattress like a barnacle. As sweet as it was to "cuddle," I hope this was an anomaly and not a new trend in the crime spree.

Day 51

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I submit this photograph to you in evidence of my partner's usual exit strategy the morning after committing his usual crimes. When he gets up, he piles the covers he has spent the evening pilfering (which were either swaddling his body or pooled on the floor to his left for most of the night) back onto the bed. This technique supports his denial, as well as keeps him from tripping. This morning, I caught him in the act after one of his more industrious nights. Note the big fold of extra covers bubbled up in the center of the bed...

Day 49

Not even the cat likes to get caught in the act. But I need to set an example. The reason why I am keeping this blog to begin with is to shed light on my partner's dirty little cover-stealing habit. If he would just admit it, I could be done with it! So, when I wake to find the covers undisturbed, as I did on Monday, I have to document it the same way as I do his indiscretions. Here's the evidence of that luxuriously warm night's sleep!

Day 46

Not bad last night! Good thing, too, because it was a frigid one. He stole 2 feet of covers, but with the oversized duvet, it's all good!

Day 45

Well, I'm not doing a very good job of keeping up with these posts. I am taking photos, though - here are two, just as evidence of that. If my partner were to explain my delinquency, he would say I was "conveniently forgetting" to post when the evidence was against me. Alas, it's just me being busy. But just in case you were suspicious of the same things he might imply, here's the proof that nothing - at all - has changed...

Day 42

I almost forgot that my sweetie/cover thief had the day off today, and I was able to capture him red-handed at the scene of the crime (thanks, in part, to my shaggy sheriff - shown at right). The level of infraction wasn't even that bad this morning, but I couldn't pass up this photo opp...

Day 39

We've known each other for long enough now, Gentle Reader, that I am ready to expose yet another level of our bed drama to you. Quite literally, the level I am talking about is what's going on UNDER the comforter. By now, we've established that the comforter is a problem unto itself, but beneath it is a whole other world of hurt.

Below lurks the Cover Sheet Stratum. You will notice that the cover sheets are bunched up and pulled almost completely to his side of the bed. This is not staged - what you see here is exactly what the sheets looked like when I peeled back the comforter that was on the bed - still warm from sleep. This problem goes deep, people.

When I showed this to my partner, I got the closest thing to a confession that I've heard so far. He said, "I couldn't get comfortable last night, so I was sort of thrashing. So maybe this was me - but only last night." Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I submit this to you as an admission of guilt, and will continue to show that the consistency in the evidence with that shown in this "sole event" proves his consistent guilt.

Thank you.

Day 38

This morning I had to drive my sweetie to work, so we were both rushing around trying to get out the door in time to beat the traffic. When I got back, I noticed that he had made the bed (another first). Is this a new tactic for him to manipulate the crime scene before I can document it? I'm not going to complain about my man making the bed, but I do find it mighty suspicious...

Day 37

I skipped yesterday because we were dealing with the same-old, same-old, but today? Well, I have to say that THIS looks like progress to me! (I'll take what I can get.)

Day 35

Happy Valentine's Day! As a special edition today, I thought I would include a photo documenting the scene of the crime and featuring the culprit red-handed. I know, you can't really tell, but my partner is actually IN the bed in this shot (he pulled the covers over his head to avoid incrimination). You can kind of make out his long, skinny sarcophagus-like shape on the far side (i.e., the side with all the covers) of the bed. Such a perfect picture of the truth about romance, that I just had to share it with you today. May the love in your life always keep you warm!

Day 32

My victory was sweet, but short-lived. Last night, my partner struck back with a vengeance. I think this is the most extreme case of cover-stealing I have ever lived through. The man is out of control.

Day 31

Touche! I count this as a victory in the Cover Wars, though perhaps I did go a bit overboard... My partner woke up this morning and said, "Be sure to get a picture of this!" He's right - I am not one to shirk blame (or credit, in this case?). However, I can't help but note that his statement is tantamount to a confession of his continuing crimes.

In any case, here is the evidence from last night. I am guilty (and so warm!).

Day 30

Let's take a moment to take another perspective on this issue. This is what my partner's side of the bed looked like this morning. Pretty telling, eh? I thought so.

Day 29

Every time I get my hopes up that something has changed, I wake up to this again. Guess I need to be more vigilant...

Day 28

My new strategy of fighting back must be working! Look at this morning's evidence - the covers are practically undisturbed... Whoo-hoo!

Day 24

Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just not aggressive enough. There are plenty of blankets there. Maybe I just need to step up and yank them right back to my side. True, this will turn our bed into a tug-of-war site, but it's been VERY cold here, and if that's the price I have to pay for warm toes...

Day 23

As Valentine's Day approaches, I find myself searching for more romantic excuses for my partner's thieving behavior. Maybe, just maybe, he pulls the covers over to his side of the bed in hopes of luring me with them? Delusional? Maybe. No matter what the motivation, he's getting better and better in practice. A girl can dream...

Day 21

For the first couple of days with the king-sized comforter, I began to think that my blog would need to be renamed "18 Days of Evidence." While my feet remained covered last night, however, the crime streak continues. The collateral damage is less obvious, but the cover thief has not changed his ways. Some would say he has gotten WORSE, since the amount of covers he needs to actually hoard has increased and he's keeping up with the demand. So, the study continues...

Day 18

The sun is out AND the covers are virtually undisturbed. Miracles do happen! This is the kind of evidence I like to gather.

Day 17

After posting last night, it occurred to me that I have never shared with you a "before" photo of the bed. It's hard to truly appreciate the severity of the infractions when you have nothing to compare them to. Here it is, folks. As you can see, there are literally FEET of extra blankets to cover each side of the bed. This guy works hard.

To be fair, there has been another change of late. The observant reader will once again notice a change to the duvet cover. When we swapped out to the king size duvet, the only cover we had was a queen, leaving much of the duvet wadded up inside. We finally got a king-sized cover, and now it can stretch across the bed in all its enormous glory, with oodles to spare. I cling to the hope (not unlike I do to the blankets) that this change will eradicate his midnight misdemeanors.

Day 16

Thank you, dear reader, for your concern about my absence. Alas, there is no danger of my partner smothering me with the duvet, since that would require him to share enough of it to cover my face. Not likely.

It has been some time since I posted, but I unfortunately had nothing new to report and crazy mornings with the three-year-old meant stopping for a photo was not an option. I did manage to take a shot this morning though, and even though it's almost not today anymore, I thought I would share this latest installment. As you can see, nothing has changed...

Day 10

Caught in the act! Despite all his talk about evidence-tampering, I woke up this morning to my partner pulling the covers back over my feet as he was getting out of bed. Under normal circumstances, this gesture may seem thoughtful and sweet. But I know better. The man was disturbing a crime scene. He clearly can't even live with his own guilt (or perhaps just the public persecution that goes along with it). Ah well. At least my feet were warm for my last few minutes in bed.

Day 9

Well, it's been over a week now. We've seen some ups and downs and this morning's results are definitely promising - if you take them at face value.

Observant readers may have noticed a change in the comforter a couple of days ago. Since my partner has moved in, we have slowly been unpacking boxes and recently unearthed his king-sized duvet (the blue one we had before was a queen). The mattress was also swapped out for his when he moved in (we had a full, now it's a queen). So, the king comforter should provide that little extra something hanging over each side of the bed - and it does - when we fall asleep each night. Still somehow, aside from the distinct color change, we end up with photos that make it impossible to discern the transition between the different sized comforters. He says I should be impressed with how seamlessly the effect has been, considering how much harder he now has to work. You have to hand it to him - he's quick.

Day 8

When you're at war, it's important to have allies.

These guys helped me hold down the fort (er - I mean covers) last night. Of course, it meant that I was confined to a fetal position, but we all have to make compromises...

Day 7

Excuse #3: I am *pushing* the covers off of my side onto his.

One of my partner's go-to excuses when presented with the evidence each morning is that I "push the covers onto him" while I am sleeping and he has no choice but to take up the slack. It's his version of the quintessential "I was framed!" excuse. I ask you (in my best Jack Palance voice), "Believe it...or not?"

Day 5

Nothing much to report this morning. On weekends, my partner is not in such a rush to leave the house, so I'm not left among the ruins of the bed linens long enough to proceed with the process of documentation and cataloging. Looks like this blog will end up being a Monday-Friday endeavor. Stay tuned...

Day 4

Miracle? Genuine change? Anomaly? Whatever the reason, I woke to find the covers nearly intact (at least covering my feet) this morning. Whoo-hoo! I'm all for positive reinforcement, so here's the evidence:

Fingers crossed for tomorrow!

Day 3

Excuse #2: The evidence has been tampered with.
Last night, I started to get paranoid that my partner might be hurt or insulted by me creating this blog. When I asked him about it, his response was, "No, because it's all fiction." I remind myself that denial is often the inevitable first stage in healing.

This morning while he was getting dressed, I asked him to examine the crime scene with his own eyes. Even before getting out of bed myself, my frozen toes bore testimony to the fact that his cover-gluttony had once again left them undeniably yanked over to his side. Despite the clarity of my case, his response was to accuse me of tampering with the evidence. The mere implication that I would stoop to such levels is insulting. You be the judge:

(Even the cat can sense the injustice!)

Day 2

Excuse #1 - The covers get messed up is because of the cats.
Hmmmmm. The cats essentially function as extremely dense, hairy bookends when they're on the bed, anchoring the covers in whatever state they find them. Thus, as far as excuses go, this one is obviously pretty lame. If anything, waking up to see one of the boys on the bed further validates the truth. It's almost as if he was trying to preserve the evidence of the previous nights' injustice...

Day 1

Like so many things in a relationship, when my partner and I first started sharing a bed, we were both on our best behavior. The bed was made up religiously. Candles stood on the nightstand. We spooned regularly... And most importantly, we took care to share the covers equally.

But alas, that was long ago.

Now that we live together, all bets are off. We sweep off the crusties dragged into the bed by the two overstuffed cats and the preschooler (each of whom think the bed is theirs), crawl under the covers and often pass out before even saying goodnight. This loss of romance is hard enough without the frozen toes and tush resulting from the unapologetic sheet-stealing which has become a nightly occurrence.

None of this would be so bad if the offending party were a big enough person to admit his transgressions. But instead, I get nothing but denial and (sometimes creative) excuses. This blog is the natural response to the resulting frustration (and frozen toes). Here, I will document said cover-stealing and excuses. Nothing motivates change like public humiliation, I always say. Let's start with today's wake-up photo:

(In case you are unsure, my side is the one with no covers.)

Unfortunately, I'm sure I will have more evidence to share tomorrow. Sweet dreams!